8 Clerihews Defaming* Sir Keir Starmer

Following on from their last poems on Boris Johnson – and in the interests of political balance – I. L. Literate has penned eight clerihews poking fun at the floundering Labour leader, Sir Keir Starmer. (A clerihew is a poem consisting of two rhyming couplets with the first line naming a famous – or infamous – person.)

Of Keir Starmer

there’s barely a murmur

from the state-corporate press

about his uselessness.


Keir Starmer,

twice stuck a knife through Corbyn’s armour.

Before he did it to Jezza’s front,

he stabbed him in the back, the treacherous c***.


Keir Starmer,

looks like a charmer.

But only in the sense that the moment he speaks,

he sends a room full of people off to sleep.


Keir Starmer’s

policies are woollier than a herd of llamas.

But facing a Socialist Appeal subscriber

he metamorphoses into a viper.


Keir Starmer,

lost in your Blue Labour psychodrama.

You move to the right and seem to forget

that the voters worth having are still on the left.


Keir Starmer,

big fan of Bananarama.

Pretty but bland and clichéd, I contend.

That’s you I’m talking about, Keir, not them.


Keir Starmer,

Labour’s election harmer.

‘Cos you wanted a second Brexit vote,

but now you say that’s ‘all behind us’, you hypocritical oaf.


Keir Starmer

wants a world of more karma.

So he backs spycops and military criminals,

while his support of Black Lives Matter is pathetically minimal.


*Our lawyers have vetted this material and concluded that it isn’t legally defamatory about Sir Keir, just a bit unkind to him.


Image by Rwendland under Creative Commons BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons


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