Inspired by Amanda Garrie’s recent poem about Sir Keir Starmer and the work of local rhymer Vin Adams, I. L. Literate has penned 8 clerihews poking fun at our hapless Prime Minister. (A clerihew is a poem consisting of two rhyming couplets with the first line naming a famous – or infamous – person.)
A worthy case study for Jon Ronson.
He’d ace that notorious psychopath test
along with many who voted for the pest.
one place you’ve not been rude about is Boston.
That town in the Midlands you’d surely like
‘cos 95% of its residents are white.
a stinking hulk of political flotsam.
In a nation that refuses to face the now
his retro-jingoism makes the false-conscious go ‘Wow’.
Sexy Boris Johnson,
my love for you is constant;
your silken hair, curvaceous belly, come-hither eyes-a-swivellin’!
140,000 dead? Dear, all is forgiven!
is quite like Deathwish’s Charles Bronson.
But BoJo didn’t need an M-16,
he killed folks off with a lack of PPE.
O Boris Johnson,
what will be your swansong?
After Brexit, Covid and the NHS sell,
hit the red button, go on might as well…
is worse than a Third World strongman.
You menace reporters, trash the constitution,
enrich your mates, push us into destitution.
A leader like Boris Johnson?
Who truly wants one?
But in a neoliberal pseudodemocracy
it’s the flashiest elitist who wins the contest on TV.
*Our lawyers have vetted this material and concluded that it isn’t legally defamatory about Mr Johnson, just a bit unkind to him.
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