I. L. Literate returns with another 8 clerihews mocking Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey, whom not a lot of you will have noticed. (A clerihew is a poem consisting of two rhyming couplets with the first line naming a famous – or infamous – person.)
my awareness of you is at best hazy.
But this is only right – let’s have no pretence –
for every bloody leader of the LibDems.
as Liberals go you’re not too shady.
No Oaten orgies or Ashdown affairs,
much less Mr Thorpe’s near-murder dare.
Sweet Ed Davey,
will you be my baby?
What really turns me on about you
is that your hair and party logo are the same yellow hue.
you’re for business, the Queen, the army and navy.
So what alternative do you offer
to all the other parties led by tossers?
you’re just like my homemade gravy:
tepid and tasteless, dull and thick;
quite simply the public won’t swallow it.
is off to the Indonesian island of Sulawesi.
What a contrast to England’s air
because people may have actually heard of him there.
In the Enlightenment era, the liberal ideology to which you broadly subscribe gave European colonialism a dubious justification for slavery.
But I doubt you would have guessed so,
let alone put it in your next manifesto.
you think that Brexit’s crazy.
You want integrity, democracy, justice and values,
but despite all that you love the EU.
*Our lawyers have vetted this material and concluded that it isn’t legally defamatory about Sir Ed, just a bit unkind to him.