Election ’17: A Modest Proposal for a Tory Future

Teacher, poet and commentator Guy Walker offers an uncompromising personal opinion on the prospect of five more years of Conservative rule.

Thinking about voting Tory in June?

Do you consider yourself a decent person?

What you are saying by voting Tory is:

I want the NHS to be razed to the ground and replaced with a string of palisaded private hospitals for the wealthy nestling behind barbed wire while the aged and sick expire in the muddy environs.

I want unaccountable and gratuitous sadism to become our new national bloodsport.

I want baby-mincing machines installed in community halls.

I want starving pot-bellied children like they have in Yemen and South Sudan on the streets of Bolton.

I want the right to kick impoverished disabled people out of their wheelchairs whenever I’m feeling, you know, a bit grumpy.

I want the well-off to swagger down our streets carelessly pushing the homeless into rain-soaked gutters before flicking their still-burning cigar butts in their direction.

I want to be ruled over by a cackling woman with fangs and a tail curled up inside her cape who lives in a gloomy castle on a remote bat-infested promontory.

Think about it. Is this really what you want?

Decent people don’t vote Tory.

Graphic by Jack Caramac.