We Care, But We Don’t Want You Here: A Message to Syrian Children

New S&C satirist Ash Jones unleashes his savagely satirical pen on April’s vote to refuse Syrian child refugees asylum in the UK, in which Pompey MP Flick Drummond sent a clear message to Syrian families with her ‘no’ vote.

Back in May, Tory MPs surprised the public by unabashedly displaying at least an ounce of humanity, as they pushed for a u-turn on a government vote in April refusing Syrian child refugees asylum as they try to flee Calais.

Many MPs put pressure on former-Prime Minidroid D-V-D CMR00N to overturn the vote. Shortly after, top climatologists began to report that temperatures in Hell had fallen to an all-time-low, and issued warnings that it may, in fact, soon freeze over.

Other scientists resisted the warnings, highlighting that Hell’s core was still burning, and citing as evidence the 294 MPs who voted to keep out the poor and less fortunate from the UK. Local MP for Portsmouth South, Flick Drummond, was proudly among them.

Mrs Drummond, born in Yemen, holds a notably strong ‘Britain for the British’ mentality, despite being born in another country. On her website, Mrs Drummond explained that she voted no to child refugees because saying yes might just encourage more of them.

‘It is really important that we send out a message to vulnerable families and children that they do not need to take the dangerous and expensive journey across the Mediterranean,’ wrote Flick, ‘if the message goes out that we are taking more from Europe, it will encourage families to put their children on boats unaccompanied’.

Local EDL supporter, Mr Ray Cist, applauded Mrs Drummond’s decision and told us, ‘I have nothing against immigrants, refugees, or any Johnny Foreigner. Some of my best friends’ parents’ cousins’ best friends’ twice removed know someone who is a pen-pal with someone from France! So I guess you could say I am an expert on foreignomics or whatever.

‘I fully support those with British citizenships staying in the country. I just don’t support people coming into the country in order to attain the citizenship. I’m fed up of these lefties who think they know better because they can demonstrate the value of immigration and asylum, constantly trying to bring in people to steal our jobs and benefits. It’s disgusting!’

Immigration spokesperson for the Conservative Association, Dr Mike Closetgay told S&C:

‘We have no intentions of stopping anyone from entering our country if they can provide full evidence of their trust fund and the number of acres on their estate.’

The statement is one in a series of recent Conservative comments claiming that impoverished asylum seekers are causing the country to slowly slip into moral degeneracy. Recently Tory blogger Toby Felch-Mouthwipe rose to fame following a highly controversial article claiming asylum seekers ‘ate his hamster’. In an unrelated incident, Mr Felch-Mouthwipe was arrested last week after being caught in public masturbating into a dog’s mouth, while shouting ‘Fist me daddy’ at passers-by. A police investigation is ongoing.